Here but gone

Alone. In a crowd alone.
Searching awkwardly in pockets
A lighter to stoke a flame.
Empty. Everything but what I need empty.
The beat. beat. beat. of my heart in my ears...
Making time...
Every beat intensified as knowledge of the passing of time becomes more and more apparent.
How can time be so rapid, yet stand so still.
Alone. In this crowded place.
No anchor here to hold me down...
Nothing keeping my mind in one place.
I have traversed across universes in times such as these.
I have seen destinations that could never be reached with my physical body.
Escapes.
I leave to escape the loneliness here.
You can still see me... but I am desperate to fly free...
The beat. beat. beat. of my heart constantly reminding me that I hold space in this physical realm.
It is hard to ignore.
Blood whooshing through my ears at volumes comparable to the currents in the sea.
Whispering life and reality back into my consciousness.
My body keeps me here. But I am not always here.
When I am with these people I feel alone.
When I leave I feel free.
When I am alone, I feel more myself than I could ever hope to be.