Red Air

I've been breathing the proverbial red air today. It's what my root chakra demands. I have been dealing with anxiety quite a bit of late. It is a struggle that I feel I will always have to battle. I have a romantic partner in my life now and it always strokes my paranoia. It causes me to want to grasp and clench my fists so as not to lose it. This life seems to be teaching me the value of life, the pain of loss, and the difference between attachment and love.

The harder you try to hold onto something the faster it seems to dissipate. Life is cyclical and things come and go. I must remember to be thankful for the times that things come into my life. And if the good comes to stay a long time then I am to rejoice. I feel like I tend to ruin the good times by worrying about what the bad times will bring. Worrying about how bad losing the good will hurt me. Pain and hurt are necessary in this life. They teach us. They strengthen us.... but for fuck's sake I'd like to just be happy for a long time. A long ass time.

As with any relationship there are times when communication is the vital difference between yes and no. I truly feel that I have a relationship in which communication is at a very healthy level. Emotions and misunderstandings happen... but the communication gets you through. The love and the understanding act as lubricant for the words to be exchanged.

But I still have this fear. This fear that I am not enough. This fear of abandonment. This fear of not being safe. I have this crippling anxiety that I fight day in and out. Sometimes it lies dormant and it isn't such a struggle. But when I have something to lose. A wrong choice could make the difference between hell yeah and fuck you. I must strive to connect with myself and the earth. I must yearn towards that feeling of safety that the universe has given me access to.

So I sit in a quiet place and breath the red air into my root chakra. I imagine myself growing roots into the earth. I feel the energy of the earth, the energy that flows through all things, pull me in and nourish my soul. I sit and breath the red air into my body and allow it to travel down my spine and energize my roots and clear out the things that are blocking them. I connect to the earth. The red air leaves through the bottoms of my feet.

Grounding. Rooting. Existing. Protecting. Freeing. Safety.